Lucy's Letters

Hello, my little sheep’s intestines! How zit goin’? (Buy some Biactol if it’s not). I trust you had a pleasant and fulfilling Chrimbles, if not, why not? Half of me adores the festive season — the good will to all men (well, not all men, I have my reputation to think of), Christmas pud (Nicko) and of course, loadsa prezzies. But then there’s the other side. Once you get past the age of 18, Christmas takes on a whole new meaning. A lot of you probably bound out of bed at some ungodly hour on Christmas morning waking up everybody else in the house so you can dive into your stockings. No consideration for drunkards like me (and the rest of the CRASH crew). You ought to try waking up at 6am with a mouth that feels as if somebody’s left their feet in them, a pneumatic drill in your bonce and a tumble drier in your tummy! You’ll learn! Anyway, we’ve had a great pile of letters in this month so read on and enjoy. Keep ’em coming to: CRASH, Europress Impact. And don’t forget the £40 software voucher for the Letter of the Month!

Coupé Clammering

Thank God you’re back! It’s a big thank you to Europress for putting CRASH back on the shelves, looking as good as it did before. I’ve bought CRASH for years and my Spectrum was so upset when it heard it had gone.

Why doesn’t the Coupé get more than one page? It’s an ideal computer for a Spectrum owner who wants something a bit better. Nick Roberts ought to show a little support for the Coupé after SAM Co gave him a job when CRASH went bust. So much software is being made on the Coupé, so how about extra pages?
Duncan Marsden

Of course we’re back, Duncan, you can’t keep a wonderous thing like CRASH down for long, y’know — and we’re better than ever. As for your SAM comments, Nick’s giving SAM Co all the support they need — he bought them a bra yesterday! SAM-wise this issue is a news page, another on compo results and a half page review. It’s highly likely that we’ll devote more pages to SAM in the future so watch this space!

Bruvver Bovver

Please help me! My flamin’ brother is always hogging the Speccy so when I try to have a go he sobs to Mum about how he never gets his games on, then I get it in the ear about how we should have equal computer time.

This wouldn’t be so bad but he only plays two games — Magicland Dizzy and Thomas the Tank Engine and I just can’t take it anymore. It’s driving me MAD! He won’t try any other games, either. I’ve shown him Rainbow Islands, Double Dragon and Slightly Magic etc but he’s not interested.

Can you recommend any good platform, adventure or beat-’em-ups might like? Please help me before I go NUTS!
Wayne Brown

Basically, Wayne, your bruvver sounds like a total Space Turkey and a bit of a brat. If he’s smaller than you why don’t you just punch his lights out and gag him so you can play your own games as much as you like? However, blood’s thicker than water and it sounds as if you’re quite fond of him, so I’d suggest Rod Land. It’s got a bit of everything and it’s so frustrating he’ll probably flip his lid so the men in white coats will come and take him away. Either way, you’ll be left in peace, Perfect!

Computer Con

Normally a Spectrum +2A costs around £100. It was a shock that one day when I went down town I saw a Spectrum +2A for £15!!!

But the BASIC commands are not the same. I tried to type in SAVE "GONE" but it wouldn’t work! Please tell me how the hell you save to memory.
Justin Cherriman

Sorry to have to tell you, Justin, but it sounds very much like your Spectrum is KAPUT — and you’ve been conned! The BASIC commands are the same for every Spectrum so it should save with the usual commands. I don’t know who you bought this Speccy off but I’d take it back pretty damn sharpish and get a refund. Buying a Speccy for that ridiculously low price, it’s a cinche there’s something wrong with it, so just be more careful in future!

Hippy Happenings

I’m writing to express my excitement at the great epic of a poster in the last issue. Wasn’t it superb? I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything so aesthetically pleasing in my insignificant life. In fact, when I first saw it, I couldn’t believe my eyes, so I went out and bought another copy, just to double check — and then another one after that. Eventually, three-quarters of a million copies later, I was convinced.

The quality of the film planning was quite astounding and I liked the way the picture was lovingly placed off centre. I suggest that you sell it to the Tate Gallery as a remarkable piece of 20th century art and the celebrated film planner, Mr Millichamp, placed on a pedestal, by the side of this phenomenal sight. I could go on forever...
RJ Millichamp, next to the terrapin memorial, Alma Cogan

PS Oh, by the way, the rest of the magazine is quite adequate.

That (just in case you’re thick as a brick and hadn’t guessed) was Europress Impact’s very own film planner, Rob. He was having a right royal whinge the other day ’cos he’s been at CRASH for more than four years and he’s never had a mention in the mag. So I told him to send in a letter and we’d think about printing it. Right, Robbo — you owe me one. Rob is tall with long hair and though he wears a kaftan and says ‘Wow, man’ a lot, he’s not a hippy — honest.

Skoda Stories

I’m from Czechoslovakia. I can’t say I’m a regular CRASH reader ’cos I can only get it occasionally (aah, shame — Ed) but I think it’s great!

I’ve seen quite a lew letters from unhappy +2A owners crying because their games refuse to work. I own a +2A and I’d like to solve the +2A/+3 problem once and for all. I know a few tricks that can help so read carefully.

If a game doesn’t work in ‘Loader Mode’ or in 48K mode, select +3 BASIC and type in SPECTRUM. Then type in LOAD "" and load the trouble game. About 99% of the time this should work although a few games are immune.

And that’s not all the +2A/+3 can do! Press reset and hold down the BREAK key. Coloured stripes should appear. Press A, E and U at once and the screen will go dark. Now when you play some music on your tape recorder, you can have a light and sound show (sort of). Pressing V and B together while the stripes are up gets you back to BASIC.
Milan Grid

Thanks a lot for those little tips, Milan. Let’s hope it solves a few problems for the +2A owners out there and stops them tearing their hair out and foaming at the mouth with frustration. I’ve never met anyone from Czechoslovakia but I’m delighted to hear we’ve got fans out there. Put me out of my misery and tell me one thing: has anything better than a Skoda come out of your contry?

German Gaming

Don’t make me cry! I was shocked when I saw the headline ‘Crash Crashed’ in another magazine. Could it be true that the best Speccy mag around was no more, leaving the good old Speccy orphaned? Do you really want to leave the most successful computer of the entire UK? Even in Germany our SPC (Spectrum Profi Club) has 137 members and is still growing!

Forget those boring 16-bit machines where the games are badly programmed and overcrowded with bugs. Most of those so called ‘games’ are more a graphics and music demo than a real game and become boring after a few minutes. Burn your £30 dosh and have the same amount of fun or buy 15 Speccy games for the same money, winch will take years to play!

And if you think your Speccy isn’t fast enough then have a look at self-made turbo-Speccys which are running at triple speed or buy a mathematical ccprocessor for 140DM (approximately £47) and calculate faster than any Amiga computer. The Speccy is good enough for most applications so why buy a new computer and waste money?

Come back, CRASH — all is forgiven! Don’t let the Speccy user and CRASH subscribers like me down.
Christof Odenthal

Don’t worry, we’re back and here to stay. It’s nice to hear from some of our other European readers and it goes to show that the views on the price and quality of 16-bit games are worldwide. I haven’t heard of a turbo-Speccy before, though wouldn’t it make playing shoot-’em-ups mind-blowing if everything was running at three times normal speed!

Traiterous Tidings

Dear Juicy Lucy
Wot happened? I went into my local newsie to get my usual reserved issue of my favourite organ only to find that it hadn’t arrived. So I waited and waited and waited and waited (etc...) and I got so fed up that I bought a copy of YS. (Please don’t send round Nick to beat me up, I was desperate to get my Speccy fix!) only to find that you had disappeared off the shelves for good! I was horrified and devastated, to say the least, so after I got over the shock I ran to my mates’ house to tell him. He’s a Zzaper and had alrready discovered the sad news.

That was a few weeks ago. Suddenly, I had a surprise off my mom when she gave me a copy of CRASH 94. It’s back and better than ever! The mag looks and reads brilliant! More colourful and funnier than any copy of CRASH before. Whatever you lot did please keep it up and hurry up with No 95! I promise I won’t buy YS erver again!
Martin L Pie

PPS Why don’t you start doing some coverage of Amiga games for us people thinking of upgrading our kit?

Well Martin, it took a lot to stop Nick coming round and smashing your face in but since I’m a pacifist (ha ha) I restrained him this time. But if I catch you reading that, er-hum, stuff again, you’re in deep, deep twouble! (And we’ll know — our spies are everywhere!) Glad you like the new mag — we aim to please and all that garbage. As for your last comment, I’m going to ignore it with the contempt it deserves!

Amazing Grace

I was so excited when I saw CRASH! back on the shelves. I gave the lady behind the counter my precious pennies and raced home to read the best computer mag of all time and play the well wicked games on the cover tape. Imagine my disappointment when I came to load the games only to find none of them would work! I tried several times, but nothing would happen!

After a cup of Bovril, I tried again. Accidentally, I managed to leave the EAR plug out of its socket on my tape recorder. You’ll never in a million years believe what I heard next! Three verses of ‘The Old Rugged Cross’, as sung by Dana, and a selection of biblical readings by Bobby Davro.

Please can you explain this? Does my Spectrum need a service?
R Johnson

No, I doubt if your Spectrum needs a service — I have a funny feeling that you’re pulling our Pilsner. But honestly, readers, last month we really did have a tape sent back with what seemed to be Songs Of Praise on it — bizarre! After tearing a strip off the duplicators and everybody else I could think of, the whole matter still remains a mystery. Perhaps it was an act of God!!

Th-th-that’s all folks! (Very topical since we’ve got a Looney Tunes story this month.) Have a very euphoric Euro-year. Drop us a line if you’ve got any views on the new CRASH or anything else you fancy. And keep the drawings and photos coming!