Ahhh... to smell that fresh country air in spring, the sweet aroma of new-born lambs and fresh dung. And just when you think winter is over, you fall into a snowdrift! Oh well, roll on spring, I can’t wait for warmer weather, and April 1 when I can get revenge on my sheep flock. Last year they told me my green cords had got lost in the wash, but luckily I found them hanging from a nearby tree. This year I think I’ll shock them by making a large jug of mint sauce!

This month I’ve found out what it’s like to live in a goldfish bowl; I had always wanted to know. My 15-year-old pet goldfish Jack reckons it’s dead interesting, swimming around plastic castles and shipwrecks. I’ve also been honing my powers of deduction, investigating a train robbery, although I saw no sign of Phil Collins. So until next month, wear a peg on your nose and watch where you’re treading — my flatulent sheepdog even leaves messages on the CRASH answering machine!